My Pain, My Joys, My Interests…My TRUTH

Another passage from the book I’m currently reading, From the Corner of his Eye, by Dean Koontz.

(I have multiple bookmarks in my books - the last one is to mark my place in the book, and the others are to mark favorite passages that either strike a deep chord within me and have relevance to my personal life, or they are just masterful pieces of writing that I can learn something from)

Frequently, these days, she found herself explaining aspects of life to Barty that she hadn’t expected to discuss for years to come. She wondered how she could make him understand this:

Life can be so sweet, so full, that sometimes happiness is nearly as intense as anguish, and the pressure of it in the heart swells close to pain.

The context of this passage is obviously a mother and her son, however I think the same applies to many types of relationships, including one strain rocky relationships.

"A" may have slightly fallen out of love with "B", and although they’ve had both good times and bad, "A" will only remember, focus, and magnify, those bad memories, feelings and experiences in the relationship. And yet "B" will do the opposite; remember, focus, and magnify, those good memories, feelings and experiences.

What happens next? They could very well discuss, share, and work things out, with both coming to a nice middle ground, seeing both the good & bad, figuring ways to make more good than bad in the future, work on forgiveness and progress on the bad, etc. This of course takes an open and honest dialog…And to even accomplish this open honesty of the heart - may be a very difficult task in itself.

Or, on the other hand you may have another situation that is also all too common, and quite unfortunately so. They can not meet with this open honesty, and they can not come to middle grounds. Each one will defend their point-of-view, with one pushing away and one pulling towards; one loving, and one secretly looking elsewhere.

Soon enough, the "Doormat /Welcome mat" syndrome ensues, once "A" realizes the distinct advantage and power they have. Once it is to this point - how on earth do they fix it? Obviously only "B" would really care about fixing it. Can one take it from here over into the other area, of open honesty and middle ground? Or will it go on and on….?

This can also extend to other types of relationships. First we have mother & son, or family, and then we have romantic love. How about man vs. world?

At any given moment there is something horrible happening somewhere in the world, and more likely than not, there are MANY somethings horribly taking place at the same moment, in the same town, city, state, country, region, the world…

Watching the news, or a documentary, reading the newspaper, etc., one can easily feel overcome with sadness and depression for the state of the world….

And then a small child smiles and waves at you…And everything changes.

Happiness is fleeting. Momentarily intense powers of joy can wash over ones soul and clean away all the thick sludge of sadness.

Let’s say you are extremely shy, but for some reason you must attend a party (perhaps for work). You arrive and find it’s not crowded, but a cozy gathering instead. Food, drinks, music playing the background, people standing in groups chatting. You make yourself a small plate of snacks, get yourself a drink, and sit down on the sofa by yourself. How will this party be?

Eat & drink your goodies, and open your ears and eyes.

That group in the corner to the left - listen to their conversation. One guy works in a morgue, and he is sharing the details of his daily duties. Luckily the conversation shifts to music and they are talking about a band you really can’t stand. Some girl laughs hysterically and spills her drink all over some poor guy’s shirt. Now go home.

Swallow and digest your experience. Think back on it…How was the party?

But let’s say instead of listening to them, you listened to the group in the right corner? They’re talking about the movie you just saw last night, and boy it was great! Somehow they end up talking about your butt-head of a boss, and you learn some even more funny things about him than you knew before. Your favorite song comes out of the speakers, and they start to dance. Stop. Go home.

Swallow and digest your experience. Think back on it…How was the party?

What’s the difference? What if you listened to both conversations? One before, and then one after. Now switch them - the other before, and the opposite after…

It’s not the experience. It’s how we deal with it, and more importantly it’s about FOCUS - where do we focus our attention?

We can blind ourselves. Or we can be open & honest about all, taking it all in, swallowing and digesting. We can fix whatever needs fixing. And then we can consciously choose.

LIFE….LOVE….DEATH….PAIN…
Choose your focus, and tell me about the party.

Got a job offer…Finally…Now comes the fun time of dealing with the Ministry of Manpower, in getting an Employment Pass. Hopefully soon I can also apply for a PR here in Singapore. Gotta run, but just wanted to let y’all know.

Strange title for a blog-post, huh?

In case you are not familiar with the name "Anthony Perkins", he is the actor who played Norman Bates, in the original black & white thriller movie, Psycho.

Anyway…I’m currently in the middle of a Dean Koontz (official site here) novel, titled "From the Corner of his Eye". It’s longer than many other works of his I’ve read, but it’s still  extremely interesting and thought-provoking, in many different ways.

The point of this post is a passage I read last night that brought tears to my eyes…And I’d like to share it with you.

He yearned for a heart mate. He was wise enough to know that no amount of yearning could transform the wrong woman into the right one. Love couldn’t be demanded, planned, or manufactured. Love always came as a surprise, snuck up on you when you were least expecting it, like Anthony Perkins in a dress…

Although the last line definitely brings in some morose humor, the rest of it touches a deep chord.

How painful life can be for anyone…Love can be a beautiful thing, when it’s reciprocated…You can’t force someone to love you; I hear some of you saying ‘damn, doesn’t that suck!?’ and I would have to agree. I guess the ideal situation at the end of the road - the goal perhaps - of a beautiful knowing sharing Love is strong enough for us to keep trying. The pain of daggers has an icy depth, but we hope that the heat of our passion and soul-depth heart will protect us.

Fight on, lost hopeless romantics, fight on!